There always is a Reason!

The past few days have seen me go through a series of varying emotions. I've gone from feeling down in the dumps to being abolutely ecstatic! And I've gone from one end of the spectrum to the other in a matter of minutes! It made me realize all over again, how utterly powerless I am sometimes, how a total stranger has the ability to control the most important aspects of my life, how things change in the blink of an eye! And no matter how prepared I think I am, no matter how numb I think I've become, failures still hurt. So, how does one deal with this cycle of Misery-Acceptance-Exhilaration? How do I deal with the fact that lately, I just don't seem to get what I wish for? My "thing" from my previous blog eventually did not happen.. It was a loosing battle from the very beginning and I guess I always had my doubts bout it. But when you get attached to something, its hard to let go of it. So when it did not happen, I sat there being the sulky kid whose favorite toy got taken away from her! I was just so hurt by the unfairness of it all. And I did not even want to LOOK at any other toy. But God did what he does best.. He smiled at my tantrums, probably wondered why I never learn and gave me a new toy! (My parents did all this actually! Well, big difference!!). So here I am, happy and content with this new toy of mine! No sudden feeling of elation, just the silent knowledge of the fact that this always was my destiny and its much better than anything I had wished for earlier! Maybe I should have gone back and read my first blog instead of sitting around and moping! Second choices always work out to be better than the first ones! Atleast that's how its been with me! And if the second one doesnt work either, what the hell, go for the third one! Why else do you think God made infinite numbers?! :p But seriously, I've started believin in all those seemingly untrue life quotes and the gyaan those (previously) stoopid soundin forwards give us! When God says no, its only coz He's gonna give u somethin better instead!! You just have to wait your turn, keep your faith and make sure you don't loose yourself in the misery!

Dejire!!

All of us have desires. Some of em important, others not so much! And then there are those very few ones which mean the world to you. You probably have one, maybe two in all your life! Have you ever wanted somethin so bad, u feel like all your happiness depends on it.. You obsess bout it all day long, its all you think bout, its all you dream about and you send up a million prayers to the big guy up there hoping He would listen to atleast one of them and grant you your wish! Well, I found one a few months back! It didn't seem all that important in the beginning but as days went by, I got attached to the thought. I felt like it would be the beginning of the 'new phase of life' I so desperately need. Coz right now (Like Meredith Grey says), I need somethin to happen! I need a sign that things are gonna change, I need a reason to hope! And it feels like its finally gonna happen. And that makes this so much more important! I went thro a phase of not talkin bout my "thing" coz I felt that merely talkin bout it would jinx it. But in like a week, the blabbermouth Gemini in me went around mentionin it to all and sundry! Now the whole world and their uncles know bout it and if it doesn't happen, am going to get really mad. Coz if there's one thing worse than not gettin ur thing, its havin to tell people that it did not happen and lookin at their patronizing expressions. Its pity, sadness, tryin too hard to make it look like its ok when they obviously don't think it is and stoopid, utterly pointless pep-talks that drive you up the wall. All of this in varying measures depending on the person, none of this anywhere close to what I wanna see or listen to! Coz I don want all that! I just want is MY THING!!!! :x So i'v zipped my mouth, am keepin my fingers crossed and m sitting here prayin hard, hoping it comes true! In spite all the lessons life has taught me, I still hope! I still dream! Coz its when such wishes come true that life becomes worth the effort. And after all, above all else, Hope Floats!!!

The Shifty Nature of Life!!

NIGHT SHIFTSSS!! They have revealed a completely new side of me to me. I'm pretttty weird and a non-conformist of sorts! I mean how else do you explain it when a neurotic person who is her most active post sunset (read, an insomniac) and happily stays up till 4 AM every night (mornin??) actually starts yawning at the mere sight of her good ol' laptop, as early as 12 PM (umm.. 12 AM?? 12 Midnight??) And that too exactly on a day I'm supposed to sleep really late n wake up reallllly late coz my day tomorrow is gonna start at 8 in the night! Yeap, my first stint with night shifts sadly begins. So I work at U.S. timings and goto work wen my roomies eat, sleep, play and sleep my way thro the entire day when d rest of mankind is up n kickin!! Not that I'm complainin too much. I will get paid extra (a few more peanuts added to what Infy pays me now!), I can avoid pickin up calls from pesky relatives and me folks wont gimme a earful, I will control the urge to binge (hopefully), work out (HOPEFULLY) and shed some kilos (H.O.P.E.F.U.L.L.Y)!!! Wistful thinking apart, I've had my share of Grey's Anatomy n HIMYM on ma comp, just CANNOT get past the first page of a new book m trying to read, fb is pretty inactive all thanks to tomorrow bein a Monday and my roomie/ best fren/ agony aunt/ ass kicker wen I act like a moron - after her promises of playing pictionary thro d nite to keep me awake is snorin away to glory, what else do I do to stay awake, but blog?! And since I am not able to think of a single sensible thing to write about now, I guess its time for goodnite! I am gonna go ahead n break my record and sleep this early for the first time in months!! I stay up till like 2 AM even when I have mornin shifts the next day for cryin out loud! Anyway, am hopin my week of stayin up all night wouldn't turn out to be too bad, or my blog space would havta endure a whiney, cynical blog for sure!! (and by that I mean all you un-suspectin souls readin this would havta deal with it). So, wish me luck, pray there'd be no work at GAP Support this week, and call me up/ catch me online anytime between 8 PM n 5 AM! Promise I'll listen to all yer rantings and sad stories! :p A Happppy New Week to y'all!!! :)

My Stairway to Realization!

Familiarity! They say it breeds contempt. I say it gives you a sense of security like nothin else can. Remember the times when you just had to pick up the phone n make a call to your best fren coz there's noone else who can understand you as well as she/ he does. You have the longest conversation, just makin small talk, not talkin bout anythin in particular and yet when you hang up you feel like you had the most soul satisfying conversation ever! That's the effect it has on you! Its like that old blanket you can snuggle right into, its thereupatic and makes you feel oh so awesome! :) I just experienced 2 such days of familiar splendour when I visited Coimbatore (Tamil Nadu) in the recent past. It was the place where I spent all my formative years, went from being a primary school student to a gradute, went from being a kid wearin pigtails to a girl who knows her mind (or so I think). It turned out to be a surprisingly good trip! It brought back a truck-load of memories and was a lotta fun! As I drove by my school, takin a look at the walls that have gone from a pale shade of green to a really pale shade of peach, I could not help but wonder about how I grew up so quickly. How did all of us manage to do it? When did we outgrow our uniforms n cycles, oiled and neatly plaited hair and turn into these brand concious, body art obsessed, junkies who somehow manage to be just about neatly turned out for work! When did we go from the stage where our main objective in life was spendin time with our frens, to not findin time to pick up that phone and make a call to our best friend? I mean, even the term 'best' friend seems a li'l juvenile to me these days! I looked at all those kids walkin outta MY school's gate, being goofy and stoopid, not minding one bit that there was someone watchin and I could not help but wonder if I'd ever feel that carefree ever again in life! I also could not help but feel a tinge of jealousy. How I wish I could go back to the good old days! It was exactly at this point that I felt like I was turning myself into a fossil. I mean, I'm all of 23 and there I was reminiscing about the past!! I slapped myslef out of the stupor and took a better look at the things around! I saw BIG school bags, homework, tuitions, corporal punishment, punctured cycle tyres, grades, exams, BOARD exams and all that blah! So I sent up a prayer of thanks that I was done with all of that and carried on! Next stop was at a relative's place! You know how you were invisible all your life to those people who are supposedly related to u? I'm talkin bout those spectacle wearin, doctor maamas (uncles), U.S.A athais (aunties)..... ur great grand mother's cousin's nephews; the ones who treated you like a means to get them water n sweets and shooed you away the minute the job was done? Its amazing how they start recognizin u so well the day you turn 21 (if u're a female; probably 25 if u're a guy)! They all know this 'very very good well educated boy from a well to do family earns a 100 thousand dollars in the US every month very responsible oh so handsome lookin for a bride I think u will be perfect for him' (all this with no pauses for breath, mind u! the punctuations be damned!) and they want you to get married to him. The most incredible part here is that they look like they are so proud of themselves for having spoken about all of this! Incredibler (is that even a word??? hmmm!) part is, they ACTUALLY think u would appreciate their.. ummm... gesture!! I manage to get away from there and reach a bunch of old people sitting around talkin. That's when I noticed that they don't greet each other with a 'hello, how are u?' anymore. Its 'hello, what medication are you on these days?' Seriously! N its not a one off case! EVERYONE above the age of 70 does it! Its freakin HILARIOUS!! Try listenin to ur granmas n granpas d next time! So so funnee! A few more nutty relatives n a lotta yummy food marked the End of day 1! The next day I decide to just look around the city and shop a li'l bit. I drove thro the familiar roads of cbe and could see that the place had changed a little. I see a lot of new teenage hangouts, see how the college kids these days unabashedly indulge in PDA (it is HUGE in a place like cbe, trust me!), have better fashion sense than we ever did in our time! Again that sad twinge of not being one of them creeps up so I remind myself of the 1st day of every month wen I take home a reasonably decent pay cheque, unlike all of em and move on! Next up, I discover that cbe FINALLY got its long overdue first mall. Am glad the city has finally decided to shed its 'conservative' image and become a befitting place for its junta which had long outgrown its previously pretentious chastity! Am so glad I get to shop for stuff at reasonable prices without even bargainin for it (a la commercial street, et al)! I have the sambaar vada n filter coffee (it IS filter coffee, isn't it? how can it taste so good if it is not??!!) at annapoorna, shop for banana chips from A1, walk down D.B road and T.V. Swamy road and discover my own little peace of heaven! And jus like that, it was time to leave! I got into my KPN travels bus which would take me home to Bengaluru and was in the process of mentally bidding adieu to cbe that a realization struck! I was actually gonna miss that place! All my life, I have been someone whose usual response to the question 'Where are you from?' was: 'a little bit of everywhere!' Coz I never really felt like I "belonged" to any particular city! And I liked it that way. I was in no hurry to establish my "roots" anyway! But this trip of mine to good ole, familiar Coimbatore made me realize that this city was the one that came closest to bein my hometown! And to think that I never really related to it and always felt like an outsider when I lived here!! There's somethin about stayin for too long at a place that makes you attached to it! I don't think there is a word that describes it. Its just this feeling of knowing it so well! You can't help but fall in love with it! So, I've finally become 'rooted' and yes, I finally 'belong'! :) Like I said... Familiarity- its OH SO AWESOME!

STRAWBERRY!

There's nothing that beats your first. First day at a new school, first bicycle, first crush, first time you rode your bike, first movie you watched with friends, first night-out, the first novel you read, first (and only time in my case) you scored a 100 in math, first trip on your own with friends, the first time you met that special someone, first love, first heartbreak.. Well, you get the drift! Doesn't really matter if its all that important or not, there's NOTHIN like the first and nothin ever beats it! Take it from me, i remember each and every one of these FIRSTS! And here is another first! I've finally joined the blogging bandwagon! After days of convincing myself that it is not for me, after warding off a lotta persuasion from my very persistent friends, here I am! In spite of knowing all to well that putting down my thoughts on paper is the worst thing I can do, I've gone ahead and decided to do just that! A blogger at last! Not tryin to make it dramatic people! It is the truth! Linda Goodman in her book says that Geminians are hesitant bout putting things down in writing coz what they believe in today, changes tomorrow! Being pinned down to an opinion and being held responsible for what they felt on a given day is not somethin they enjoy. I know only too well how true that is. Any typical gemini person would tell you so! BTW, here's some free ka advice! Buy yourselves a copy of madame Goodman's Zodiac Signs and save it forever! She gives you a heads up on what you can expect from each zodiac and I've SEEN how true it all is! I've forgiven so many mistakes, held on to friendships, and dealt with a lotta crap from people just coz I know its not their fault; its their zodiac. Yeap, am referring to each and one of you readin this! ;) Its all thanks to Goodman that I'm still friends with you! Jokes apart, read the book! You'l understand yourself better, find a lotta answers and have an advantage over others even before you get to know them! N damn.. there goes a trade secret! See!! Now this is why people like moi shouldn't be blogging!! Coz we dono where to draw the line! I let that slip out and am too lazy to delete maaro this whole thing!!! And just in case you're wondering why this blog is called what it is called, it is bcoz what it is called inspired this blog! Rite then... here's the reason! Today --drumrolls-- was the first time ever --louder drumrolls-- that I ate a --ears shattered-- STRAWBERRY! Yeah, the fruit! In its real avatar! Having been a die hard fan of the flavour for 23 years, to think that today was the first time I ever ate the fruit is slightly intriguing! Given that my staple diet includes a milkshake or icecream once every couple of days, and the fact that am not much of an experimenter when it comes to flavours, I end up having a pink yummy icream/ mshake at least once a week. That would add up to a big number for sure, you do the math! So, a gazillion icreams/ mshakes past, I finally get down to eating the fruit. And it was nothing like what I had expected! For one, it wasn't as sweet as I thought it would be! It had a nice, juicy, slightly crunchy, very slightly sour taste! All this I did not expect, but loved it nonetheless! So, you live under this impression of knowing, believing in somethin all your life and one day, reality strikes! I guess what am tryin to say here is: things change, people change, feelings change, perceptions change and sometimes you gotta let go of your most strongly held convictions, sometimes you gotta say goodbye and move on! Hard as it may be, it aint such a bad thing! Coz there's always somethin better waiting just around the corner! Coz guess what? The second strawberry I had was so much better than the first one! The first was special, it definitely was! But that does not mean I can't like the second one better! :) Beep beeep!! --RAMBLING ALERT-- So, this is it for now! Until I find more resons to write, Here's to yummier strawberries! To giving life second chances! And to better tomorrows!! :)